Pay Attention

Pay Attention

Ephesians 5:25-30 NLT

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. ²⁷ He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

Notice that this passage tells husbands to love their wives, not lord over them. Paul’s example of that love is the sacrificial love that Christ has for the church. That is a pretty tall order. It is also a responsibility.

We as husbands should be about taking care of our wives. That means put down the phone, the tablet, the computer and the remote right after turning off the TV. Men, outside of our relationship with God, nothing is more important than our relationship with our wives. Jesus showed us how to have a relationship with others. He did that by talking to people. That’s right, face to face, one on one conversations. If your wife is saying “we don’t talk enough” that means you’re not paying attention. Put down what you are doing, make eye contact and don’t just hear what she is saying, listen.

Note to self … practice this daily!

When Paul tells us that we “ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies” the first thought I had was of guys hitting the weights and drinking protein shakes. It could easily say that men ought to love their wives as much as they do:

•        Sports
•        Video games
•        Hunting and fishing

That list could go on and on. It still boils down to the fact that after God, we need to love our wives more than anything else. We must take care of the things we love. With God that means reading (listening) to His Word and praying (talking) to Him. With our wives that means listening and talking with them.

It is easy to get so engrossed in something that you are completely oblivious to anything else. I have been an expert at this since I was a kid. I have a love of reading. As a kid I would be sitting in my bean bag chair reading a book and I would be so into the book that I was completely oblivious to what was going on around me. I didn’t hear the TV. I didn’t see anything outside of the bubble I was in. I didn’t hear my parents tell me it was time to eat supper let alone smell the food that was only a room away. So is it any wonder that if I am not giving my complete attention to my wife that I often times don’t even hear her. The troublesome part about it is that I could have just been talking to her seconds before that.

This can lead to all kinds of problems. Worse yet, because I am the one that drifted off into my own little world, it is my fault. That is not loving my wife like Christ loves the church. Now sometimes it might appear that I am not paying attention but then I can repeat verbatim what was said to me. That is hearing, it is not listening.

It might sound like I am talking to myself and trying to convince myself that I need to change. That is exactly what it is. Tonight after Diane fell asleep God convicted me with this passage from Ephesians 5. I have a lot of work to do. Fortunately God blessed me with a compassionate and understanding wife. It also helps that we are doing devotions together. Currently we are going through Renewing Your Love and just completed the chapter called Getting the Message. Yep, you guessed it, it is about communication. The information, history, opinions and beliefs part was easy. It was the feelings and desires section that I felt completely unprepared. Looks like I have some work to do.

How about you? How are you doing at loving your spouse the way that Christ loves the church? Feeling a little inadequate like me? The good news is the Good News. Christ has already showed us and continues to show us how to love and communicate. Get into devotional time like the book I have linked above. Have those hard conversations. If you do, they get easier. If you don’t, you can take my word for it, they will get harder and harder.

“A husband can love his wife best when he loves God first!” – Unknown

Loving Father help us to communicate better with our spouses. Help me to love, listen and talk to my wife in a deeper way. The way that Christ loves the church. Walk us through those hard conversations. Teach us to be more intimate in our talks. Help me to lead with grace, truth and love in my marriage and in life. Amen!